First Entry in Two Months!

Hello xangans! Sorry I've been so distant. I haven't really felt the need to write in here for a while because I had another source to vent my thoughts and frustrations. But I suppose that I'm way overdue for an update here. I'll try to think of everything that has gone on since I last left an entry. Here's a bulleted list for easy reading goodness.

• I graduated! 12 members of my family drove up here to see me only I was in charge of making sure they don't get lost on the road as well as provide entertainment options while they were here. I definitely appreciated it but it made it more stressful. Although I'm glad my dad came because I really didn't expect that.
• The next week I drove back down to Kansas for a graduation party. Then two days later I turned around and came back. (mind you it's 12 hours each way)
•  When I got back, I spent a lot of time with Shannon because I love her and helped her to pack.
• Helped Shannon move into Kate's house along with the help of several other guys and her Mom and Dad who I met for the first time then.
• In mid June, I drove down to Winterpark, Florida with Shannon and her dog Lily to spend about a week and a half with her family and some of her cousins. We did  so much there but here are the highlights:
  • Daytona Beach- this was the first time I had ever seen the Atlantic Ocean. I wasn't very fond of the salt water because it burns. Shannon and I spend most of our time in the hot tub at the resort.
  • A bike ride around winter park and stopping at the shaved ice stand- good times
  • Having Shannon's dad do major surgery on my big toe- well I wouldn't say it was a good thing but it needed to be done. I had an ingrown toenail and he took care of it. Let's just say that the local anesthetics didn't work very well. Lots of pain. But I'm all better now
  • Goin' to Disney World! It was inevitable. We went to both Epcot and the Magic Kingdom in one day. Yay for space mountain. I screamed like a girl. Very amusing. It's too bad Shannon doesn't like VR rides. Oh well.
  • Lots of time swimming, tubing on the lake and riding jet skis.
  • Left on a jet plane all by myself and said good bye to Shannon. I wasn't going to see her for over three weeks.
• Shannon left for her family trip to Australia for three weeks while I was in Columbus looking for a job.
• Last Wednesday through Friday, I moved into Joe Coe's place and cleaned out the Brikk house. I realized that I have a lot of crap and there is nowhere to put it.
• I had a job interview yesterday that turned out to be a pyramid scheme. Big dissapointment because I was really hoping to get that job. They do a very good job of concealing their true identity until they lock you in a room with 10 other victims and preach their propaganda of becoming a millionaire on this soon to be booming industry of selling dietary supplements. They just called me this morning to ask why I wasn't at their meeting that evening. He said, "I hope no one talked you out of it" There was no need to talk me out of it, I was just being nice to him so I could get out of the room. So sadly I'm still looking for a job
• Shannon arrives in San Francisco today and she will be calling me for the first time in a long time from there. I'm very excited
• Tonight I'm going with Bill to a high school youth group to lead worship. This will be one of the first times these kids have experienced worship. It's been a long time since I've played for high schoolers. Should be fun.
• Shannon driving up from Florida on Saturday so I'll see her late that night! Then I'm driving up with her to Michigan to drop her sister off at her school.
• Thursday next week Shannon and I are going to the Mark Schults concert in Pickerington. He's her favorite artist.(he makes her cry).

4 More Days...

...until all of my grades are due! I have no idea how I'm going to finish everything in time. My to-do list is ridiculous! I've been so stressed and have slept so little this week that I got sick. I went to the doctor to check if I had strep, but the test came back negative. I just wish I had one more week! For class today I'm supposed to have large scale presentation boards ready to print. I just finished my computer model this morning and I haven't even finished rendering the first image. I was also supposed to have constructed three physical models of my thesis, one for each component, and include shots of that on the boards as well. I wasn't even able to start them this weekend! And that's not to mention the other classes I have big projects due in this week...Toy Design, Glass, Portfolio, Ceramics, Solidworks. I don't know what to do? I can't give up...I want to graduate...I've worked so hard just to be able to graduate in May!

I had to occupy myself with something while my models render. I slept for an hour last night and I have an interview today at 2! "Just four more days, four more days, four days" No matter what, after that, I'm done!

On Friday, my roommate is putting on a foosball tournament that him and I should clean house at. It will be good to take all my stress out on unsuspecting freshmen. Next week I'm leading the extended worship MOC. I'm really excited about it because the vision behind it is great, I'll explain it another time. I found out on Saturday where I could possibly be living next year. 3 other guys, among them Keven Spect and Lucas Sanchez. We'll be living in Kristi Gerner's old house that many girls have now occupied but will now be filled with men. Kevin totally asked me out of the blue because I haven't really been going around telling people I'm looking for a place to live. Now all I need to do is find a job. My first rendering just finished and it cropped off a part of the model.

I feel nauseous because I haven't slept and I'm so stressed out. If there was any time that I needed prayer, it would be now.

(Watching the rendering progress bar...)

Days Until Graduation

All my grades are due on the 5th. That same day is our thesis presentation where we set up a stand-alone display that explains the whole thesis. My paper is pretty much due tomorrow, were peer grading and the final is due Wednesday. So of course I can't get myself to work on it. It's not like I haven't done any work on it. But I definitely have a bit of work to do on top of everything else that I have to... I wont go down the list but it's ridiculous how much I have to get done in the next week.

What's even harder is that all I want to do is spend time with Shannon. I just need to be responsible and get my work done, graduate, and then I can spend time with her. Oh, and I need to get a job at some point during all of this. Life is crazy to say the least. I'm happy, stressed, scared, excited, panicked, and tired. I'm happy with the projects I'm working on, which is different than usual. I just have a hard time devoting myself to schoolwork. It's just not the most important thing to me even though my teachers think it should be. I guess I should give my best effort to the career that I want to spend the rest of my life doing. And I do really like industrial design, but I want to have a life outside of my work as well. Like church ministry, friends, Shannon, people in general, music, writing songs, ect. And sometimes I like being unproductive. I don't have to always be working on a project, creating some new great invention, staring at a computer screen in order to feel complete.

I want a job where I can work, enjoy working and have fun doing it so much that I can't believe that they're paying me to do it, and then be able to go home and have a life completely separate from work. I don't want to have to bring my work home with me. I'm done with homework. I'll still have deadlines and times where I'll may be asked to stay late to finish a project, that doesn't so much bother me. What worries me is that I don't know if I can stay on task and focused for 8 hours straight every day. I know that if I can then I will be incredibly productive. The only times that I actually work that much during a day is during crunch times like now when my project deadlines are drawing close.

I have to confess that I am a bit of a procrastinator (hence why I'm writing a journal entry rather than working on my thesis paper). And if I don't have a pressing deadline, then I'm more than likely to put something off. I operate more on a "mini-deadline" sear. If I can set daily or even hourly goals for myself to get something accomplished then I more likely to get things done. But if a deadline is miles away, I won't see the point in working on something because I've got "plenty of time". If I have a boss over me telling me to do something then I'm also more likely to get it done. Good thing that in the real world, there are no long deadlines. Things are always due in a couple days or in a few hours. No given it will be stressful at first and I tend to freak out when I get to stressed. But that's only if someone is looming over me pressuring me to "Get it done NOW" When ever that happens my mind becomes totally disoriented and I can't even think straight causing me to get even less done than before. So I guess it's a careful balance of pressing deadlines and a relaxed atmosphere. I think that it is possible to have both of them.

They always say that the most important thing in a job is the work environment; who we work with. I definitely can't work in a competitive environment. It's totally against my nature. And I can't work somewhere where someone presses their dominance over everyone. Pride must be absent. I'm also crippled when I feel intimidated. Now I may sound like a wuss but I'm not. I can work in these environments but I won't enjoy it. Ideally, I would love to work in a Christian environment or at least one that has Christian workers. Because I think that grace and forgiveness should be embraced. I don't want to be judged by my co-workers. I don't want to feel like I'm not good enough. I want to work somewhere where my gifts and abilities are used and people are grateful for my contributions to the group. That's another thing. It must be a team effort where no project is solely a one man job. I love throwing ideas back and forth with other people. I want to be able to work on the part of the project that I'm strongest at and let other people tackle the harder parts.

The thing is, none of this is un-attainable. I've visited local design firms that are like this. But it's not that way everywhere. Some teams thrive on the pressure and challenge of their co-workers. This would just build tension with me and would inhibit me to do my best.

Anyway, I've just been clearing my thoughts, let me know what kind of ideal work environment you would like to work in.

Later

Sigh of Relief

I met with my boss today to sign the final form for me to turn in for internship credit. That means that I AM GRADUATING! This is really big for me because the last couple weeks I had been seriously worried that I wouldn't. But all is well now... all I need to do now is attend the intership seminar at 7 tomorrow morning and then pass all my classes. This thursday I'm attending Direction's which is where the students set up tables and businesses walk around and decide if they want you to work for them..kind of like a reverse job fair. So yeah lot's to do to get ready for that. I hope something in Columbus comes out of that.

If you don't know... I am seriously considering staying in Columbus after graduation. If I don't get a serious design job right away I've always got Uncle Rico to give me work. BTW...he's a crazy as ever. Big Ideas and no sence of reality. Oh well, it's a good learning experience.

School is really stressing me out right now...I have a rediculus amount of work that I need to get done in the next couple weeks. It's a good thing I have Shannon, she has really helped me to not totally freak out. I know I've said it before but she really is a blessing to my life